Remember the Last?

I took it as a significant 'sign' that I was not only due to post, but I had been 'given' my subject.  I told you, I only want to write when so inspired. 

I was talking to my girlfriend the other day.  She shared that she was thinking about me and the girls.  She asked if I remembered the last time I (in this case) had picked one of them up to hold them.

(GASP!!)  Not because I could actually remember picking my oldest up (and when did she get so BIG!?  All of these limbs!!), but because I could actually remember doing it.  It was the 28th while we were at the vet.  We learned about our Athena having cancer and that her days are numbered.

However, how many other 'lasts' have I forgotten or completely missed them as being 'the last'?  It tugs a little at the heart strings!  My youngest is six, so while it was many many years ago, I cannot remember the day / time that I last nursed her.  I did it as I had done so many times before, but that final time; finished, went on with my day (my life) and POOF!  She's six!!  HELLO?!?!  How about the last time I spoke to my friend before she passed away a year ago?  I cannot pinpoint our last moment...maybe it was at that yogurt place...?

How do you even track them?  I have one friend (and I love this idea) that celebrates 'The Last Day You Are ___' enter your age the day before your birthday.  Fabulous! 

While firsts and new beginnings are significant (anniversaries, first impressions, first meetings), let's not forget that the lasts are vital too.  They mark the end of a season, closure and a chapter closed. 

We will have our 'last' W.A.R.M. Place meeting tonight.  This is significant.  We move forward in a new chapter of healing and coping. 

Capture the lasts...if you can.  Don't allow them to be so elusive.

Eyes On Him
Mama Fox

Waiting for Red

The original title was going to be 'A New Kind of Slavery'.  

Waiting for Red - no, not waiting for me.  I'm talking about a good ol' fashioned red light and technology.

I just got a new Incredible; the iPhone equivalent on Verizon.  It was free, so I thought, "Why not?" 

(sigh)  When did the day come that I started hoping for a red light so that I could check my phone?  Send a text?  Dial a number?  (of course, I guess I could just do all of that while I'm driving like I see so many other lane-swervers do!  BUT that is another blog entirely!!)

What has this day and age come to?  I'm at the park playing a game on my phone, while my girls enjoy playing with their friends.  I hear the 'ding' and OH!!  Who could it be?!  I'm just SO important and SO well loved - HA!

I check e-mail several times a day and now even more so with this phone.

Text messages, because calling and hearing a voice just...I mean, really takes too much time.

Don't get me wrong - the convenience of these things (texting, e-mails, etc.) each have their place.  But it has replaced basic relational practices. 

(sigh)  I'm as guilty as the next person.  I remember a few months ago I actually put on my signature that I would only be checking my e-mail ONCE A DAY.  This did not go over well with some; others caught on and actually called me.  Weird, I know.

I acknowledge that I am becoming 'one of those people' - distracted, so-NOT-in-the moment. 

I have got to self-intervene. 

I must be proactive. 

I certainly won't tolerate this behavior from my girls when the day comes that they afford their own phone.  Why would I...I do I tolerate from myself??

I will be 'unplugging' (to some degree) for a spell.  (Great - and just after I get this fancy phone!  Timing - I tell ya!) 

I would LOVE to actually TALK to some of you.  But talking - well, it's reached a type of awkwardness, yes?  Isn't easier to type it in an e-mail / text / Face Book post? 

Who's with me?  Anyone? 

(sigh)  I guess I'll know by how many people call me.

Here's to gaining balance -

Eyes on Him
MAMA FOX

I Called In Sad

It was Wednesday.

I could NOT get my act together.

Imagine walking up stairs and you miss that step and slip.  Do you know what I'm talking about?  Not exactly tripping, but the toes hit and you shoot your hip into your lower back.

That's what I had felt all morning while getting ready.  Staring at my frizzy, non-straightened hair after my shower, barely any make-up because I could not get the movitvation to face the day (HA!  Get it?  'Face?' the day...make-up...?  <sigh> I know, I know). 

I have had down days, but this particular day just crept over me like a dense fog.  Physically having trouble moving, thinking...fog-ish, ya know?

I droppped the girls off at school then sat there in the parking lot crying.  I called my sweet, understanding 'boss' (she hates that term, but hey - she can be bossy.  I know - because I am bossy!!  :-D )  I digress...

In sobs, I explained that I just couldn't...I just couldn't come in.  Was it Jordan?  Was it just the blues?  Was it the fact that I'd been coughing my head off for the past week?  Probably all of the above.  I was given the blessing to take care of myself.  So I did.

By God's grace and nudging I had managed to get dressed in my workout clothes (it was to be PE day at school).  I went straight to Legacy Park and walked.  I swear that God just created the best possible morning just for me to commune with him and be amongst His creativity.

I just walked.  I looked into the eyes of strangers, wondering, "What is their story?  Are they hurting?  Are they sad?  Are they happy?"  Women jogging together, dog owners out with their dogs - it was so peaceful.

I went home and took a nap.

Then I got up and rode my pink bike with basket to Starbucks.  I journaled to my girls.

I rode home, tidied up the back porch...hmmm...something significant there.  Took another nap.

What I loved about my day is that no one knew where I was or what I was doing, other than those precious women that love on me at work.  Otherwise, I was alone with me.  I 'unplugged' - no phone calls, only checked e-mail for about 15 minutes.

Picked up the girls and I was me again!

The cloud had moved out.

All because I chose to call in sad and take care of myself.

MAMA FOX
*may I say that your taking the time to read these entries and offer your encouraging words really help me in my healing journey.  i recognize that time is precious and that your taking precious time on this blog...well, it does not go unnoticed or unappreciated.  thank you.

Safety First

Please, please forgive my 'drop off the face of the earth' absence.  I really ought to just set aside a day to write, however, I really only write when so moved.  Tonight is such a night (thank you master of the obvious)  :-D <they really need emoticons on this thing!!>

Once again we had The W.A.R.M. Place (see CLICK / Sept 27 for explanation).  I will not disclose who or even what was said that led me to this insight, but suffice it to say that her words triggered this epiphany.

Grief is a funny thing - certainly not 'ha-ha' funny, but a strange process.  While I listened to my friend, it occurs to me that on of my 'jobs' as a mom is to keep my children safe.  As a mother, our instinct is to protect.  Relocate the child when they face certain peril.  Shout, "Be careful!" as they dash out the door or any other variety of last minute bits of advice.  My favorite, "Engage your brain and focus!" (but that is another post).

It occured to me tonight that I was unable to keep Jordan safe.  I was not capable of protecting her or kissing her boo-boo's to make them 'all better.'  (gasp) Nor can I keep Sydney or Madelaine safe - and I'll just bet that they have figured that out.  They face the harsh reality, at a young age, that I am not the end all and be all of their safety.  Yes, I will do all that I can to keep them out of harm's way, but they have had their young eyes opened to a rude awakening, an awakening far sooner than I ever was exposed. 

What must it be like for them to look in on all of this?  To walk through it?  My sweet, wise-beyond-their years, call-me-out daughters?  (sigh)

I wonder if deep down they sense this and this underlying knowing rocks their world - just a little bit.

I pause to thank Abba for HIS protection.  Because whether I am spared something horrible here (yeah God and a big praise) or if I am not spared and end up in heaven - there is praise too!  I can see now - on either side - I have His protection. 

As do my girls. 

As does my Jordan as she frolics and basks in our Savior's presence. 

Little stinker - I miss her. <emoticon with the hearts to indicate my love>

MAMA FOX

BEING in the Moment - A Lost Art

I have an electronic dictionary. 

I have a 'dated' cellphone.  In other words, it's not a 'smart' phone.  I just haven't wrapped my head around paying anymore than I already do on my cellphone bill.  It's a racket and I'll leave it at that.

There is nothing really earth shattering, deep or really even remotely interesting about those two bits of information.  Stay with me here...

The problem is that the only time I use my thumbs to 'type' is when I'm on my phone.  This morning, as I'm doing my quiet time, I was looking up the definitions of some words.  I looked down the first time and I had typed three L's.  Hmmm...that's weird.  Did it again.  THIRD TIME it occurs to me - OMWord - I have hit the 'L' three times BECAUSE I have to hit it 3x's to use the 'L' on in a text.  HELLO!

WHAT are we coming to in our realm of relationships?  Tell me the last time you sat through a meal, drove your car, or while watching TV that you didn't have that phone at the ready? 

Look, I'm just as guilty.  But what happened to being in the moment?  Focused on the task at hand?  Understand - I only offer these as thoughts.  I'm the LAST to stand in judgement.  This is just as much for my own contemplation as it is for yours.

May I encourage you this week to take even just ONE DAY and not be a slave to technology?  I'm not suggesting completely unplugging, but when it rings / beeps - there is no need to rush to it's demanding little noises. 

Put the phone DOWN.

LOOK into someone's eyes while they tell you something, regardless of how insignificant YOU may think it is. 

ACTIVELY listen. 

BE in the moment. 

And just WATCH what God reveals to you.  I would love to hear your story.

I think the only one allowed that multitask is God (and mom's).  Tee-hee.

Fabulous and Forgiven

MAMA FOX

Whatever Does She Mean?

The title - I Should Have Been More Specific - has a little story behind it.  It's actually just a glimpse of how my silly head works.

See - I asked a long time ago for fame and popularity.  I had envisioned the masses calling out my name, admiring me.  (sigh) In my head, it was quite fabulous.  However, while, indeed, I have the masses calling out my name they're all between the ages of 2 years old - 8 years old.  "COACH KIMBERLY" or "MISS KIMBERLY" or "MOMMY!"  Therefore, I should have been more specific.

I had thought it would be something else to be surrounded by younger men - and I was - last year.  ELEVEN boys all under 3ft tall and all 2 years old.  (sigh)  I should have been more specific. 

I wanted to be married a very long time.  I have been, but not necessarily to the same man.  Ask my Joel though, it probably FEELS like eternity.  HA!  I <will you join me?> should have been more specific.

I prayed that Jordan would come home - I meant MY home, here on the earth.  Instead, she's in her eternal home.  (sigh) I should have been more specific.

Well, you get my point. 

I hope that today you are intentional and, of course, specific.

Forgiven and Fabulous

MAMA FOX

Name with a Face

And here I am - in my 'pre-beauty' state. 

I mean really - didja think I just woke up gorgeous?!  It takes work people!  HA!! 

(ruidoso / 2010 - Girls Trip)