Fill 'Er Up

Remember when you used to pull into a gas station and an attendant would come to your car?  I do.  It was a Diamond Shamrock. Our attendant's name was Ross.  Nice guy.  He'd check the oil, he'd wash the windows, make small talk and fill up the gas tank.  

His role, at that moment, was 'acquaintance.'

I went on a whirlwind road trip to Arkansas recently, during which time I met my boyfriend's grandma.  She was a feisty lady, conversation did not come easily and it was definitely one-sided. You know, you ask a question, the person answers and then...crickets.  Conversation just didn't...flow, yes?

As I left, I contemplated what would it have been like had information not been volunteered, no questions asked of her, because she was not asking anything of us or volunteering any information of her own life.  

It really begged the question - Why?

Why was she not interested in, say, my life?  Or her grandson?  Or even her granddaughter that was sitting there.  (stay with me here...I'm not so egotistical that I wanted her to ask my anything or hold court to talk about myself...)

Then my thought was followed with - good for her.  

Having released the 'need' the make small talk or fill the space with information that, truth be told, she could probably care less about.  I don't say that with any malice or meanness - I genuinely mean it in the nicest way!  

It could almost be applauded.  Would the visit have lost anything or meant any less to her had we all just sat there in silence?  And who knows, given the chance, maybe she WOULD have initiated conversation had we not spoken? 

Honestly, I would've been ok with it.  'It' being - to just be.  Just be there with this woman I was meeting for the first time.  

As I sat in her living room, taking in all of the stuff she had collected and displayed over her lifetime - glass figures, pictures, collectibles - I noticed a HUGE book.  

'TWIGS and BRANCHES' was the title of the book.  

Seeing the title, I thought it was a gardening book.  She had several thriving plants in her home, so it only made sense.  With conversation lacking, I decided to ask if I could look at it. 

Low and behold, it was a book of her family's genealogy!
'Old school', I'm talking TYPED pages!

(for those of you that do not have a frame of reference, just Google 'typewriters'  LOL)! 

There was something...weighty about flipping through those pages.  

She shared that she was one of TWENTY-SIX grandchildren (I am one of THIRTEEN, and I thought THAT was alot!!).  She came around to look over my shoulder, pointing out herself in the book, her parents...people that she had known.  I'm sure a little nostalgic. 

These people, they knew her.  Well, some of them.  (You understand what I'm saying).  The three of us, sitting in her living room, knew hardly anything about her, yes?  And even if we DID, the people in those pages knew her very differently.

What struck me was - we know people in different roles.  I know, I know...be who you are ALL the time.  Let's be honest.  While there are some constants in every exchange, we all 'perform' different roles in different settings.  
 

Friend.  My friends know me as funny (at least I hope they think I'm funny); I'm the one that says out loud what everyone is thinking (not always ideal...sigh).  I recently saw a quote, "The thoughts in my head just roll around and sometimes they stroll out of my mouth."  HA!!  I'd like to think I'm a good listener.  I'm certainly a locked vault of secrets.   

Mom.  I'm not terribly coddling or...uhm...'soft' (much to their chagrin). My mission statement as their mom has been, "I'm launching an adult into the world."  That means, when they leave their lunch at home, I do not take it to them.  When they need money for something, they earn it.  When they have an issue with a teacher or friend, I coach a 'how to' conversation (occasionally I have to intervene).  You get the idea.  (see: Love and Logic)

Daughter.  My mom knows...oh boy!  Way. Too. Much!!  While I do not put her on the same level as God, my understanding / on-earth example of unconditional love and acceptance - she exudes it.  She has loved me through some really mucky-muck parts of my life.  Some great, shining moments.  Some stupid, awful moments (that may have involved grape hubba-bubba bubble gum and underage drinking...but I digress)  Of ALL the people in my life, she has been THE. ONE. Still standing by my side, loving me.  (thanks mommy)

Employee.  My managers and bosses have trusted me with the jobs I've had over the years.  Loved me when I've missed details, applauded when I've had a great idea.  I'm not the easiest employee (really?  they say...LOL).  I am reliable.  I'm loyal.  I'm dependable.

Partner.  I'm not married, but I've been married.  (Jokingly, if you want to get technical, I've BEEN married for 20+ years, just not to the same person).  That said, I am in a relationship.  I am happy.  We're compatible.  He is an incredible compliment to my life.  He has come along after several past relationships, kids, hurts and hang ups.  So, we're still learning, yet he makes this season so...easy.

Stranger.  Yes.  The cashiers, the servers, the flight attendants. Strangers, but only for a second, because I inevitably ask them questions.  Conversations ensue.  Life-long friends created?  Not usually.  But for a brief moment, they're human and we connect and smile.

I guess two points have morphed in this writing.  

1) We have people in our lives that, you know, are known by other people in very different ways.  I guess some would say we put on a 'mask.'  I would encourage you that it's not a mask.  It's just...who we are in THAT moment.  I am not a DAUGHTER in the moments I meet a waitress (I mean, I am...but you get what I'm saying).  

I do not KNOW my boyfriend's grandma.  I probably never will.

However, I sure appreciated what she brought to me that particular day.  

2) Just be.  

That afternoon, this woman demonstrated a comfort with NOT talking.

Not really interested. 

TOTALLY ok.

Rude?  Some may think so.  I, on the other hand, eh...it was fine with me.

Go forward, be quiet in a few moments.  

Just. Be.

And perhaps, just be in your role.

The Texas Ginger
Bringing World Peace One Hug at a Time