*this particular post likens itself to a prior post, 'BUBBLES / 2011'
It's an important reminder though, so forgive some repetition - thank you*
It's an important reminder though, so forgive some repetition - thank you*
Went to a mani / pedi on over the weekend with my friend.
As we went for an early dinner / snack, the host sat us in a booth where we couldn't see outside. However, walking in it, looked super ominous.
Dark clouds.
Windy.
Thunder.
The host even affirmed, "Yep, big storm comin'!"
Dark clouds.
Windy.
Thunder.
The host even affirmed, "Yep, big storm comin'!"
We walked in, ordered and continued our conversation. Oblivious to any weather event that was 'certain' to come through.
As we left, we could see that it had, indeed rained. And this occurred to me...
How often to we sit in the cocoon of comfort while a storm rages around us? A storm that, in some cases, directly impacts those around us? I'm reminded of two scenarios that, personally, bring this to light for me.
The first was 2006, when I experienced my first miscarriage. I had been 5 months pregnant. His name was Jacob. We had gone in for an ultrasound. And while I had had some misgivings that something was not right, I was still hopeful. The ultrasound tech listens, and listens. Then, very stoically excuses herself to get the doctor.
Sigh...no heartbeat.
I walked around for three days after that, awaiting the scheduled DNC. Apparently my body had not gotten the memo and was not 'miscarrying' Jacob.
I walked into a coffee shop.
The barista innocently asks, "How are you today?!"
All I could think was, "Uhm...carrying around a deceased baby in my body. Like...I'm coexisting with death as we speak."
I'm sure I answered, "I'm alright. How are you?" And even as I ASKED HER, I wondered, 'What are YOU up against right now, besides the pressure to get my coffee order to my liking?'
Fast forward three years, two more miscarriages.
It's 2009 and I delivered Jordan Brook Fox, via emergency C-section.
Full-term - yes?
Complications - you bet.
The moment they cut the cord and she starts to turn blue. I am no expert, but that wasn't normal. After investigating, it's discovered that the vein, that is SUPPOSED to connect to the RIGHT ventricle, had been 'wired' to the LEFT ventricle. You may or may not know, the LEFT ventricle is supposed to be dormant while in utero. When it is not, it becomes very tight, creating a tough muscle vs pliable. She also had holes in her heart, causing the mixing of her blood. They fixed the problem; she was never closed up and succumbed to infection.
For 5 1/2 weeks, we were traveling back and forth to Cook Children's in Fort Worth. I often remember sitting at a light, or passing someone on the road. I'd look over and think, "Do you even know that I'm going to see my daughter, my baby girl who is fighting for her life? So many tubes in and out of her, on ECMO* I'm heading the the hospital RIGHT NOW and will sit there most of the day. I wonder what YOU'RE going to do..."
No judgment or resentment.
Simply an observation that we / I have no clue what ANY-ONE is going through. That car next to me...may also have been going to the hospital. Or a party. Or work. Who knows??
It's 2009 and I delivered Jordan Brook Fox, via emergency C-section.
Full-term - yes?
Complications - you bet.
The moment they cut the cord and she starts to turn blue. I am no expert, but that wasn't normal. After investigating, it's discovered that the vein, that is SUPPOSED to connect to the RIGHT ventricle, had been 'wired' to the LEFT ventricle. You may or may not know, the LEFT ventricle is supposed to be dormant while in utero. When it is not, it becomes very tight, creating a tough muscle vs pliable. She also had holes in her heart, causing the mixing of her blood. They fixed the problem; she was never closed up and succumbed to infection.
For 5 1/2 weeks, we were traveling back and forth to Cook Children's in Fort Worth. I often remember sitting at a light, or passing someone on the road. I'd look over and think, "Do you even know that I'm going to see my daughter, my baby girl who is fighting for her life? So many tubes in and out of her, on ECMO* I'm heading the the hospital RIGHT NOW and will sit there most of the day. I wonder what YOU'RE going to do..."
No judgment or resentment.
Simply an observation that we / I have no clue what ANY-ONE is going through. That car next to me...may also have been going to the hospital. Or a party. Or work. Who knows??
It's now 2017, I have three amazing girls; two are 'half sisters' to Jacob, Baby November, Baby January, Jordan, Jaelyn and Baby September
(yes, one more miscarriage AFTER Jaelyn). Jaelyn is the picture of health and gets to experience this side of heaven with all of us. I have had several pregnancies. I lost FIVE babies and get to raise three of them.
(yes, one more miscarriage AFTER Jaelyn). Jaelyn is the picture of health and gets to experience this side of heaven with all of us. I have had several pregnancies. I lost FIVE babies and get to raise three of them.
I've also gone through another divorce.
I was asked to leave my church, of ten years.
Faced a few bumps at work.
Struggle with how well I'm parenting my kids (one is especially challenging).
I've had to redefine a few relationships and set up boundaries
(and stick to them!!).
(and stick to them!!).
My storms are no better / worse than the next person.
Equally...
I get to work as an administrative assistant.
I get to WRITE!
I partner through life with an amazing man.
I have a home (albeit smaller than my olders would like, as they share a room...GASP!!)
I get to WRITE!
I partner through life with an amazing man.
I have a home (albeit smaller than my olders would like, as they share a room...GASP!!)
I am making new friends; the friends 'still standing' are genuine friends.
I have a God that has NOT given up on me (unlike a few 'Christians')
I have three beautiful AND smart girls
May I encourage you today - please, please, please...
PAUSE.
LOOK into the eyes of those that you get (yes, you GET to) to encounter today.
Consider that they may be facing their own storm.
Consider that they may be facing their own storm.
And maybe they're not.
Maybe this is a season of sweet calm and serenity.
Regardless, as we all have heard, we're either in a storm,
about to face one or
we're coming out of one.
Maybe you're in a cocoon. And THAT'S ok. A cocoon is a place to rest; renew, and return more beautiful. It's said you shouldn't pry open a cocoon. That the object inside needs to wiggle out and experience the struggle.
I don't know about you, but I've wiggled out of a few cocoons. I'd like to think I'm more confident, more compassionate, more empathetic and more understanding because of it. I'm certainly stronger. While no one 'pried' me out of those cocoon seasons, I sure had some loving people, having patiently waited, waiting for me as I unfurled my wings.
For those (and you know who you are) I'm grateful and still standing today BECAUSE of you.
The Texas Ginger
about to face one or
we're coming out of one.
Maybe you're in a cocoon. And THAT'S ok. A cocoon is a place to rest; renew, and return more beautiful. It's said you shouldn't pry open a cocoon. That the object inside needs to wiggle out and experience the struggle.
I don't know about you, but I've wiggled out of a few cocoons. I'd like to think I'm more confident, more compassionate, more empathetic and more understanding because of it. I'm certainly stronger. While no one 'pried' me out of those cocoon seasons, I sure had some loving people, having patiently waited, waiting for me as I unfurled my wings.
For those (and you know who you are) I'm grateful and still standing today BECAUSE of you.
The Texas Ginger
Bringing World Peace, One Hug at a Time
*ECMO is the 'iron' heart & lung, as support during a surgery, yet Jordan was on it for 10 days. I called it 'Tickle me ECMO'. Sigh...there was nothing ticklish about it.
*ECMO is the 'iron' heart & lung, as support during a surgery, yet Jordan was on it for 10 days. I called it 'Tickle me ECMO'. Sigh...there was nothing ticklish about it.
No comments:
Post a Comment