I Do. Not. Know...sigh

Genuine, life experiences. 

Offering inspiration and hope to those bumbling through this life. 

I'm doing the best I can, I'm a work in progress and I've a purpose. 

So. Do. You.

*DISCLOSURE:  I am sharing this to process & sort out my own faith journey.  I do not seek 'pity' nor am I inviting haters of organized religion or church.  This is my heart.  I'm still hurting.  I'm seeking.  Will you join me?*

Am I jaded?

Am I guarded?

Am I barely hanging on?

Am I a 'Christian'...?  

Do I even WANT to be a 'Christian,' given the headlines they make?  The unloving behavior that is put out there?  

These are questions that seriously plague me as of late.  I have wondered...DOES God still love me?

Moreso, do I DESERVE to read the bible?

to pray?
to relish (in what I believe to be) in the recent blessings 
and direction for my life??

People who do not have a foundation of faith; those that are not ‘Christians’ have equally good fortune and good things that happen in their life.  Things ‘line up’ – ‘fall into place’ – they’re ‘blessed.’


Is it all just semantics…?

When 'good' things happen in my life, I give credit to God.

When 'good' things happen in ‘their’ life, who do 'they' give credit to?

When things go wrong, I own part and I put part on ‘spiritual warfare.’

When things go wrong in ‘their’ life, do 'they'…blame God? 
Or do they crack it up to ‘bad luck?’

I am not posting to engage in some theological debate.  ‘Us’ v ‘Them’ – ‘Believer’ v ‘Non-Believer’ – ‘Christian’ v ‘Non-Christian’  BECAUSE…quite frankly, I’ve witnessed my share of ‘us / believer / Christian’ behave horribly while the ‘other side’ is far more ‘Christian’ and wouldn’t be caught within ten miles of one. 

Allow me to go back a year or so…

If you would like the 'back story,' I encourage you to read my post from September 2016 / Every. Time. PERIOD. (unless you're the church).  I prefer not to rehash all of that in this post.

In reference to the Every. Time. PERIOD, in some circles, this would be called ‘church discipline’ and it is done from a place of ‘love’….(head scratching)

I’m not going to lie.  This hurt like hell.  

The mantra, God is God, People are People…yyessss….bbbbuuut…how do I reconcile the ousting?

Was Christ a Christian, per se?  As I recall, technically speaking, he was Jewish. Rather, do we put Christ in the 'box' of what we consider a 'real Christian?'

Did he or did he not follow the mandate of LOVE?  Meeting people where they were – loving them in all their hang ups and hurts. 

I am still reeling from the aftershock.  It’s reasonable to say, had I mended my marriage, I’d still be in good graces, right?  BUT…why would I want to remain among people that based their ‘like’ of me on whether or not I was married?  Do you know how many 'dead' marriages I saw at X Church?  YET...they are being applauded - based on the fact that they were staying married - both clearly miserable??  

I digress.  This isn't about my marriage / divorce.

It's about my struggle with those pesky thoughts, "Am. I. Worthy"...?

Truth be told, I wasn't.  I'm not.  

Yet, I look at my life.
My choices...'good'...'bad'...indifferent
And I feel loved.
I see really good things happening in my life.
Did I 'do' something right to warrant them?
Not really.
I genuinely believe that I walk daily with a God that forgives.
Shows grace.
Shows mercy.

I have a terrific story to share.  I trust I am being shaped and molded to inspire.

The Texas Ginger
Bringing World Peace One Hug at a Time