WHY...ooohhh, that's why...tee-hee

Genuine, life experiences. 

Offering inspiration and hope to those bumbling through this life. 

I'm doing the best I can, I'm a work in progress and I've a purpose. 
So. Do. You.

The plot thickens...

We left off, last post, that I had been offered full-time.  I accepted. Being offered 'full-time' though included the M/W/F gig, and then filling in as an aide type the rest of the time, to include Tu/ Th. Pretty sweet.  Not to demanding. Cool.

A few days in, I was offered the position as the 3-year old teacher.

(insert - eyes WIDE open emoji)

"Wondering if you'd like to move into the 3's...?" asks my director.

"Can I think about it...?"  I ask, knowing this is already a done deal.

"MMmmmm...yes....(not really)" she replies

"So this is a 'yes-think-about-it-but-it's-happening-anyway' scenario?"
(internal screaming, kicking, crying)

I'm sick.
I'm sad.

It was a pretty good gig.  Work WITH kids a few hours M/W/F, be of assistance / floating the rest of the time.  Not to demanding.

And literally, that morning I had said to the oldest, "I LOVE my job!  I LOVE my life..."  

JINX.  Boo.

The last thing I wanted was to go into the classroom.  

Last.
Thing.

I was scratching my head, "WHY!?!?!?!"  

"WHY?"

(insert pouty, adult temper tantrum...oh yes, I have them)

Then nap time happened the second day I was in the room.
My precious co-teacher shares her story.

Smack dab in my face - my 'WHY'.

I will not divulge details, out of courtesy for my (now) friend / co-worker. Suffice it to say, as she shared her story, the words coming out of her mouth were things I'd been pondering...wondering.  

Disillusionment, hurt, betrayal...all of it. 

I sat there misty-eyed.  Offering none of my own story at the time.

Since that visit, I have shared my own journey.  We are getting better acquainted.  We went out as families over the weekend.  

At one point during the weekend, we were standing in a restaurant.  Her oldest (she is 4y, therefore, same age as my littlest; they're fast friends and in the same class at school) takes her mom's hand, my hand and places them together.  

It felt right and perfect.
(and not in some weird way <PLEASE> spare me).
It felt like I had finally found 'that friend.'

While she will never replace Sweet T, Miss Pam, Mear-Bear or Melissa, I do believe that at this time in my life I have found a new 'that' friend. I needed one as I embark on a new chapter of healing and much-to-my-chagrin-but-I-get-it teaching 3-year olds.*

That is all...

The Texas Ginger
Bringing World Peace One Hug at a Time
*Please know that I have about two weeks under my belt with these kiddos.  I DO love them; I DO still love my job & my life.  It just...it threw me for a loop.   

Moment-ing

Genuine, life experiences. 

Offering inspiration and hope to those bumbling through this life. 

I'm doing the best I can, I'm a work in progress and I've a purpose. 

So. Do. You.

I went to dinner with a friend. I had arrived early and got to stand in line for a few minutes.

There sat a family, a baby in a high chair; toddler next to mom in the booth.

There was a couple (for this post sake) probably married.

Next booth over was two girls - sisters, perhaps?  or friends?

Rather than get sucked into the blue pull that IS 
(aka: phone / fb / texting), I just looked.  

Observed.

And here were my thoughts...

Those children.
The day they were born.

The first time that mommy held that boy.  Nervous?  Excited?  Ready?

The first time that dad held his son.  Pride?  Terror?  

Are we cut out to be parents...???

The couple.

Their wedding day.

How beautiful she must have been.  Nervous?  Excited?  Ready?
(who's EVER ready to be married?!)

How young and handsome he must've been. Pride?  Eager?  Scared?

Those girls.

Fighting over a hairbrush. 

Giggling in a force to be reckoned with against parents. 

Or the first time they met and just talked...for hours.

And here we all were in that restaurant. 

In candid, raw, organic moments.

One person licking their finger. 

The baby, carelessly tossing chips on the floor.

No fanfare; nothing 'special'.
Just...being. Being with each other.  Probably nary a thought about those special days. 

Each relationship, being in a level of comfort and familiarity. 

I can remember when I went for an appointment for my first pregnancy 

(so...15 years ago).  There was another couple leaving the hospital with THEIR newborn. Car seat, diaper bag, teeny-tiny baby.  It was just the two of them, fumbling with their 'new normal.'  

I was a little deflated.

All this build up.  The fanfare, showers, the attention all pregnant mommies get (especially first timers!).

And as I watch this couple it began to set in.

"That's it...that's what it comes to.  Just...living.  Setting the table, eat, sleep, wash-rinse-repeat."  Sigh....

Not gonna lie.  It was an eye opener.

Then I took home that first little ginger that now stands a few inches taller than me.  Then I took home the dark haired one.  And several years later took home the littlest ginger.

And the moments...I wish I could remember them all.  I wish I could recollect a few of the 'insignificant' moments.  But, alas, they fade.  

Of course there are the 'big ones' - the first steps, first smiles, first lost tooth.  

Then they get to be 'bigger ones' - first crush, first heartbreak, first kiss.

And now the moments are fleeing at lightening speed.  I launch the tallest in TWO YEARS.  The middle-est may not live that long...LOL.  And this 'baby' I took home four years ago...sigh.

So...the next time you're in a line or have those few moments to pause, take it all in.  You're participating in an organic place of just...moment-ing (it's a word! I'm claimin' it!!)

Here's to moment-ing!!

The Texas Ginger

Bringing World Peace, One Hug at a Time

I Do. Not. Know...sigh

Genuine, life experiences. 

Offering inspiration and hope to those bumbling through this life. 

I'm doing the best I can, I'm a work in progress and I've a purpose. 

So. Do. You.

*DISCLOSURE:  I am sharing this to process & sort out my own faith journey.  I do not seek 'pity' nor am I inviting haters of organized religion or church.  This is my heart.  I'm still hurting.  I'm seeking.  Will you join me?*

Am I jaded?

Am I guarded?

Am I barely hanging on?

Am I a 'Christian'...?  

Do I even WANT to be a 'Christian,' given the headlines they make?  The unloving behavior that is put out there?  

These are questions that seriously plague me as of late.  I have wondered...DOES God still love me?

Moreso, do I DESERVE to read the bible?

to pray?
to relish (in what I believe to be) in the recent blessings 
and direction for my life??

People who do not have a foundation of faith; those that are not ‘Christians’ have equally good fortune and good things that happen in their life.  Things ‘line up’ – ‘fall into place’ – they’re ‘blessed.’


Is it all just semantics…?

When 'good' things happen in my life, I give credit to God.

When 'good' things happen in ‘their’ life, who do 'they' give credit to?

When things go wrong, I own part and I put part on ‘spiritual warfare.’

When things go wrong in ‘their’ life, do 'they'…blame God? 
Or do they crack it up to ‘bad luck?’

I am not posting to engage in some theological debate.  ‘Us’ v ‘Them’ – ‘Believer’ v ‘Non-Believer’ – ‘Christian’ v ‘Non-Christian’  BECAUSE…quite frankly, I’ve witnessed my share of ‘us / believer / Christian’ behave horribly while the ‘other side’ is far more ‘Christian’ and wouldn’t be caught within ten miles of one. 

Allow me to go back a year or so…

If you would like the 'back story,' I encourage you to read my post from September 2016 / Every. Time. PERIOD. (unless you're the church).  I prefer not to rehash all of that in this post.

In reference to the Every. Time. PERIOD, in some circles, this would be called ‘church discipline’ and it is done from a place of ‘love’….(head scratching)

I’m not going to lie.  This hurt like hell.  

The mantra, God is God, People are People…yyessss….bbbbuuut…how do I reconcile the ousting?

Was Christ a Christian, per se?  As I recall, technically speaking, he was Jewish. Rather, do we put Christ in the 'box' of what we consider a 'real Christian?'

Did he or did he not follow the mandate of LOVE?  Meeting people where they were – loving them in all their hang ups and hurts. 

I am still reeling from the aftershock.  It’s reasonable to say, had I mended my marriage, I’d still be in good graces, right?  BUT…why would I want to remain among people that based their ‘like’ of me on whether or not I was married?  Do you know how many 'dead' marriages I saw at X Church?  YET...they are being applauded - based on the fact that they were staying married - both clearly miserable??  

I digress.  This isn't about my marriage / divorce.

It's about my struggle with those pesky thoughts, "Am. I. Worthy"...?

Truth be told, I wasn't.  I'm not.  

Yet, I look at my life.
My choices...'good'...'bad'...indifferent
And I feel loved.
I see really good things happening in my life.
Did I 'do' something right to warrant them?
Not really.
I genuinely believe that I walk daily with a God that forgives.
Shows grace.
Shows mercy.

I have a terrific story to share.  I trust I am being shaped and molded to inspire.

The Texas Ginger
Bringing World Peace One Hug at a Time