It's Not You, It's Me...PART 2

[ Not 'next week' - I should know better than to promise such things...sigh ]

I am presuming you have read PART 1.  If you have not, it is an important segue from that to this.  Take a moment to read the November 15th post first so that this one will make sense (maybe even read it AGAIN since I did not deliver 'next week'...lol) 

ALL OF THAT TO SAY...I have given some pause and process, reflection if you will to my original 'all is well' takeaway to how I was a 'trigger' to my friend.  Furthermore, I stand by The Four Agreements, in that, I am not taking any of this on a personal level. 

I very much respect her feelings; this is true for her.  When it involves contact with me, it brings up the painful past.  Okie dokie.

HOWEVER, it did leave me to wonder.  I HAD been a good friend to her through a very troubling chapter.  Wouldn't you want to hold onto said friend?  Recognize having survived and pushed through to the other side of the season that wiped you out?  

Apparently not.  

And...well...ok.  

This leads me to those 'pick up where ya left off' friends in our lives.  

That IS different.  This situation just...hits different.  It's one thing to stay out of touch for while.

A few examples - my Canadian Friend and I easily pick up where we left off.  No odd wierdness in between chats, other than my own inflicting guilt that I don't call enough.  

OR how about my friend running her seasonal business.  We'll pick back up when the season wraps up.  Both of these friendships have walked. through. IT.  Divorce, having babies, launching kiddos, loss and grief...you name it. 

Yet we're still standing.  

When I have contact with these friends, I'm reminded of the closeness we share.  I feel a warmth of acceptance, love and non-judgement.  I only want to deepen these bonds.  

All of this to say...uhm, I don't know what to say.  This is unchartered territory. 

As Always... I remain, Humbled, Buoyed and Blessed 

 As always, take 10 minutes to 

Just Be 

HUGS y'all

The Texas Ginger

 Bringing World Peace, One Hug At A Time

It's Not You, It's Me...

...but also kinda you, but not you 😕
PART ONE

[ I do not understand the white background on this publication;

I've tried to fix it and to no avail.  Feel free to read this over on SubStack  ]

I'd like to think I'm a good, if not decent friend.

I have my moments and overall, I'm alright.

That being said, one of my friends (we'll call her Bridget) had fallen off the radar.

There was a season when she was in crisis.  

We talked daily.  

I caught a lot of tears, listened as she processed, hugged her through the pain.

Then...crickets.

I'd send the proverbial, 'Thinking aboutcha' text with adorable bitmoji of my cartoon face. 

She'd reply with a 'Let's get together soon.'

Then...crickets.

One begins to wonder.

I've mentioned before that I live by The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz

I was not taking it personally.

And yet found myself racking my brain...had I done something? said something?

Being one that prefers closure, I talked it out with a close confidant.  

My friend helped me be ok with simply, letting it go.  

So I did.  I was prepared to let that friendship go.  

There's a saying; perhaps you've heard, 

Some friends are for a reason, a season or a lifetime. 

I concluded this one had been for a season.

Ok...that is o.k. 

Then...the very next morning, low and behold she texted!

Just a bitmoji of her cartoon face (it's kind of our thing)

To which I replied, 'How'd you know I was thinkin' of you?!'

'😌'

AND THEN...she called. (happy, happy heart)

We caught up, talked for an hour.  We were right back to our familiar banter, rhythm and insightful feedback we are so accustomed.

What I appreciated was the transparency.

She recognized that she'd been off the grid - out of touch and distant.  Bridget went on to explain, that indeed it wasn't me...and it was.

Not for anything I had said or done.

No.

Rather, for the time I was connected to her during a very painful chapter of her life, making it a bit of a (if you will ) trigger to see me.  While we'd been friends prior to that transition, the friendship grew immensely during that time.

This. Made. SENSE.

OF COURSE!

I began my own reflection of friends that are of the past.

Did I, also, fade out of their life based on the season they walked me through?

I share this with you to provide you food for thought.

IS there someone that you've wondered about?  

Or someone YOU have phased out of your life for one reason or another?

I want to add, her sharing this very acute self-awareness and emotionally intelligent insight, it gave me peace.  I had the closure I needed.  

AND I was given a new perspective on friendship.  

I love my friend very much.  So much, in fact, that I am willing to give the space for that trigger to heal.  I'll be here when she's ready.  

My heart's hope is this gives you some peace or a possible answer to a relationship(s) in your own life.  

HOWEVER, since originally writing this piece, more has come to light.  

I will expound in PART TWO next week.

As Always...

I remain, Humbled, Buoyed and Blessed 

As always, take 10 minutes to

Just Be

The Texas Ginger

Bringing World Peace, One Hug At A Time

N * O

Genuine, life experiences. 

Offering inspiration and hope to those bumbling through this life. 

I'm doing the best I can, I'm a work in progress and I've a purpose. 
So. Do. You.

N * O - shortest word in the the English language.

Hardest word to utter (for most of us).

I remember when I began my journey as a mom with my oldest.  I read and listened to all sorts of things that molded me as a mom (now I'm just a mold-y mom...LOL...sigh...ok).

One of the things I remember reading was that a child would hear the word 'NO' thousands of times before the age of, like, two.  I don't remember the statistic, but the jist of it was that the word 'NO' would be uttered a whole bunch.  Often, it's one of the first words they learn to utter, after 'dad' (much to mom's chagrin's, yes?)

That being said, I did my best to use different verbiage when she would reach for forbidden things.  'Don't touch' verses 'NO!' or 'We share with our friend' vs 'NO!  We don't just take!' and so forth.  You get the picture.   

As I've gotten older, getting more and more busy, I started reading how we need to 'be ok' with saying 'NO' when asked to DO something.  As women, we tend to feel guilt if we have to say 'NO' to something.  Therefore, we over-commit.  We become 'yes' people.  Often at the expense of other things...other people.

I am currently reading a book by an author* I really admire.  My mom introduced me to her work years ago.  Matter of fact, her 'thing' is actually called 'The Work'.  Her early writings really resonated with me.  (THIS particular book is a little...mmmm...'whack-uh-doo' seems harsh, however I really don't know another way to describe it.  She has taken a very eastern way of thinking.  Which, she has apparently always has had, but this particular book REALLY sends it home.  I find myself sorting through what can be applied / used and the rest of it just...sigh...oookkk.)

I digress.  Early on in the book, she says, "Your 'no' to someone / thing is a 'yes' to yourself.'  

That stopped me in my tracks.  I'd never looked at it like that.  

Rather than look at that 'no' as a 'no'...no to others and the perception that you're 'letting them down' - see it as a 'YES' to yourself.  Regardless of what the thing / person is, that 'YES' to self is ok.

Did you hear that?

It's O.K....really.

Now, we will, inevitably, say 'YES' to things that we aren't particularly jazzed about.  Therefore, it's a 'no' to yourself.  In some circles it's called 'adulting' because there are times we just plain don't WANT to do something and it's NECESSARY to do it, yes?  

That being said, I would encourage you to really examine what you're saying 'yes' to in your life and what you're saying 'no' to in your life.  Are you committing to things because you're more concerned with what someone will think of you if you decline?  Is it guilt driven?  Is 'everyone else doing it'?  

I have three girls and all three have their 'thing' - one is a runner, one is a cheerleader and one is now in dance.  I've only allowed ONE activity, at a time, in their lives since they were itty bitty.  I refused to be that mom running here and there.  My children need not be busier than me!  

Alright...so, here's my point.  This seems to have morphed into part parenting suggestions and part thoughts.  LOL

Moving forward, be intentional with your YES and be intentional with you NO.  And for goodness sake, don't get all wrapped up in the GUILT of saying NO.  

You have permission.

Sometimes that all we need is permission.

SO, next time you say 'NO' to something, just tell them The Texas Ginger gave you permission.

Bringing World Peace One Hug at a Time

The Texas Ginger

*The author is Byron Katie, The Work.  First Book is, Loving What Is and the other one that impacted me was Who Would You Be Without Your Story.  The second is a collection of the dialog's she has with her guests and gave the most insight / ability to understand The Work.  Her most recent, A Mind at Home With Itself...eeehhh...proceed with caution.  That's all I gotta say.   

It Takes a Village

Genuine, life experiences. 

Offering inspiration and hope to those bumbling through this life. 

I'm doing the best I can, I'm a work in progress and I've a purpose. 
So. Do. You.

I was chatting with my mom out in front of my home the other day.

One family arrived, dropping off their little boy.  My oldest was going to babysit.  A few minutes later, our neighbor brings over his little boy, another charge for the oldest to babysit.  (She is comes highly recommended!!)

I beamed a little inside.

These parents trust MY daughter with their children...pretty cool.

As the first family was leaving, mom of one boy says, "It takes a village!!"

Doesn't it though?

It got me thinking...(and you get to learn those thoughts here...lucky you - HA!)

My middlest went to dinner with a friend of mine that same night; a friend that offered to mentor my middlest.  She offered when said middlest was learning some tough life lessons a few years back.  She was spending a little time 'off' from school, with me at work.  Each and everyone of my friends at work (at the time) loved on, believed in and built my girl up.  She'd made some lousy choices and was suffering the consequences.  Those women were an amazing influence during those three days.  

Another friend takes my littlest every Thursday, for one-on-one teaching and loving.  The memories she will have (they'll BOTH have) are memories you can't possibly buy.  I KNOW my littlest is smart as a whip and that time with Mrs. T have quite a bit to do with that!

My mom helps with transportation and allows peace of mind when I travel, because she watches the girls.  She is also the epitome of hard working.  An incredible example to my girls.  She also doesn't put up with their sh*t.  LOL  She's been an influence since day one.  Literally.  BOTH born on HER birthday (my claim to fame...LOL)

The littlest's dad, even since our divorce, loves on all three of the girls as if they're his own.  He didn't skip a beat.  He takes them for regular visits, helps when I travel; pouring into their lives.  

Teachers, neighbors, other friends, coaches, pastors...

I do not do this alone.  

I often get compliments on how polite or well behaved each of the girls are to adults.  They can actually carry on a conversation with anyone from a waitress to someone we invite over for dinner.  

I mmmaaayyyy be implying that I very proud of them.

HOWEVER, they are not the young women / littlest girl solely because of me.  Granted, I have perhaps the most influence - I'll give you that - but they are lovely due to the encouragement, love and trust others invest in them.

The are who they are because of my village.

THANK YOU VILLAGE!!!  

You know who you are (I hope).

The Texas Ginger

Bringing World Peace One Hug at a Time

WHY...ooohhh, that's why...tee-hee

Genuine, life experiences. 

Offering inspiration and hope to those bumbling through this life. 

I'm doing the best I can, I'm a work in progress and I've a purpose. 
So. Do. You.

The plot thickens...

We left off, last post, that I had been offered full-time.  I accepted. Being offered 'full-time' though included the M/W/F gig, and then filling in as an aide type the rest of the time, to include Tu/ Th. Pretty sweet.  Not to demanding. Cool.

A few days in, I was offered the position as the 3-year old teacher.

(insert - eyes WIDE open emoji)

"Wondering if you'd like to move into the 3's...?" asks my director.

"Can I think about it...?"  I ask, knowing this is already a done deal.

"MMmmmm...yes....(not really)" she replies

"So this is a 'yes-think-about-it-but-it's-happening-anyway' scenario?"
(internal screaming, kicking, crying)

I'm sick.
I'm sad.

It was a pretty good gig.  Work WITH kids a few hours M/W/F, be of assistance / floating the rest of the time.  Not to demanding.

And literally, that morning I had said to the oldest, "I LOVE my job!  I LOVE my life..."  

JINX.  Boo.

The last thing I wanted was to go into the classroom.  

Last.
Thing.

I was scratching my head, "WHY!?!?!?!"  

"WHY?"

(insert pouty, adult temper tantrum...oh yes, I have them)

Then nap time happened the second day I was in the room.
My precious co-teacher shares her story.

Smack dab in my face - my 'WHY'.

I will not divulge details, out of courtesy for my (now) friend / co-worker. Suffice it to say, as she shared her story, the words coming out of her mouth were things I'd been pondering...wondering.  

Disillusionment, hurt, betrayal...all of it. 

I sat there misty-eyed.  Offering none of my own story at the time.

Since that visit, I have shared my own journey.  We are getting better acquainted.  We went out as families over the weekend.  

At one point during the weekend, we were standing in a restaurant.  Her oldest (she is 4y, therefore, same age as my littlest; they're fast friends and in the same class at school) takes her mom's hand, my hand and places them together.  

It felt right and perfect.
(and not in some weird way <PLEASE> spare me).
It felt like I had finally found 'that friend.'

While she will never replace Sweet T, Miss Pam, Mear-Bear or Melissa, I do believe that at this time in my life I have found a new 'that' friend. I needed one as I embark on a new chapter of healing and much-to-my-chagrin-but-I-get-it teaching 3-year olds.*

That is all...

The Texas Ginger
Bringing World Peace One Hug at a Time
*Please know that I have about two weeks under my belt with these kiddos.  I DO love them; I DO still love my job & my life.  It just...it threw me for a loop.   

Moment-ing

Genuine, life experiences. 

Offering inspiration and hope to those bumbling through this life. 

I'm doing the best I can, I'm a work in progress and I've a purpose. 

So. Do. You.

I went to dinner with a friend. I had arrived early and got to stand in line for a few minutes.

There sat a family, a baby in a high chair; toddler next to mom in the booth.

There was a couple (for this post sake) probably married.

Next booth over was two girls - sisters, perhaps?  or friends?

Rather than get sucked into the blue pull that IS 
(aka: phone / fb / texting), I just looked.  

Observed.

And here were my thoughts...

Those children.
The day they were born.

The first time that mommy held that boy.  Nervous?  Excited?  Ready?

The first time that dad held his son.  Pride?  Terror?  

Are we cut out to be parents...???

The couple.

Their wedding day.

How beautiful she must have been.  Nervous?  Excited?  Ready?
(who's EVER ready to be married?!)

How young and handsome he must've been. Pride?  Eager?  Scared?

Those girls.

Fighting over a hairbrush. 

Giggling in a force to be reckoned with against parents. 

Or the first time they met and just talked...for hours.

And here we all were in that restaurant. 

In candid, raw, organic moments.

One person licking their finger. 

The baby, carelessly tossing chips on the floor.

No fanfare; nothing 'special'.
Just...being. Being with each other.  Probably nary a thought about those special days. 

Each relationship, being in a level of comfort and familiarity. 

I can remember when I went for an appointment for my first pregnancy 

(so...15 years ago).  There was another couple leaving the hospital with THEIR newborn. Car seat, diaper bag, teeny-tiny baby.  It was just the two of them, fumbling with their 'new normal.'  

I was a little deflated.

All this build up.  The fanfare, showers, the attention all pregnant mommies get (especially first timers!).

And as I watch this couple it began to set in.

"That's it...that's what it comes to.  Just...living.  Setting the table, eat, sleep, wash-rinse-repeat."  Sigh....

Not gonna lie.  It was an eye opener.

Then I took home that first little ginger that now stands a few inches taller than me.  Then I took home the dark haired one.  And several years later took home the littlest ginger.

And the moments...I wish I could remember them all.  I wish I could recollect a few of the 'insignificant' moments.  But, alas, they fade.  

Of course there are the 'big ones' - the first steps, first smiles, first lost tooth.  

Then they get to be 'bigger ones' - first crush, first heartbreak, first kiss.

And now the moments are fleeing at lightening speed.  I launch the tallest in TWO YEARS.  The middle-est may not live that long...LOL.  And this 'baby' I took home four years ago...sigh.

So...the next time you're in a line or have those few moments to pause, take it all in.  You're participating in an organic place of just...moment-ing (it's a word! I'm claimin' it!!)

Here's to moment-ing!!

The Texas Ginger

Bringing World Peace, One Hug at a Time

I Do. Not. Know...sigh

Genuine, life experiences. 

Offering inspiration and hope to those bumbling through this life. 

I'm doing the best I can, I'm a work in progress and I've a purpose. 

So. Do. You.

*DISCLOSURE:  I am sharing this to process & sort out my own faith journey.  I do not seek 'pity' nor am I inviting haters of organized religion or church.  This is my heart.  I'm still hurting.  I'm seeking.  Will you join me?*

Am I jaded?

Am I guarded?

Am I barely hanging on?

Am I a 'Christian'...?  

Do I even WANT to be a 'Christian,' given the headlines they make?  The unloving behavior that is put out there?  

These are questions that seriously plague me as of late.  I have wondered...DOES God still love me?

Moreso, do I DESERVE to read the bible?

to pray?
to relish (in what I believe to be) in the recent blessings 
and direction for my life??

People who do not have a foundation of faith; those that are not ‘Christians’ have equally good fortune and good things that happen in their life.  Things ‘line up’ – ‘fall into place’ – they’re ‘blessed.’


Is it all just semantics…?

When 'good' things happen in my life, I give credit to God.

When 'good' things happen in ‘their’ life, who do 'they' give credit to?

When things go wrong, I own part and I put part on ‘spiritual warfare.’

When things go wrong in ‘their’ life, do 'they'…blame God? 
Or do they crack it up to ‘bad luck?’

I am not posting to engage in some theological debate.  ‘Us’ v ‘Them’ – ‘Believer’ v ‘Non-Believer’ – ‘Christian’ v ‘Non-Christian’  BECAUSE…quite frankly, I’ve witnessed my share of ‘us / believer / Christian’ behave horribly while the ‘other side’ is far more ‘Christian’ and wouldn’t be caught within ten miles of one. 

Allow me to go back a year or so…

If you would like the 'back story,' I encourage you to read my post from September 2016 / Every. Time. PERIOD. (unless you're the church).  I prefer not to rehash all of that in this post.

In reference to the Every. Time. PERIOD, in some circles, this would be called ‘church discipline’ and it is done from a place of ‘love’….(head scratching)

I’m not going to lie.  This hurt like hell.  

The mantra, God is God, People are People…yyessss….bbbbuuut…how do I reconcile the ousting?

Was Christ a Christian, per se?  As I recall, technically speaking, he was Jewish. Rather, do we put Christ in the 'box' of what we consider a 'real Christian?'

Did he or did he not follow the mandate of LOVE?  Meeting people where they were – loving them in all their hang ups and hurts. 

I am still reeling from the aftershock.  It’s reasonable to say, had I mended my marriage, I’d still be in good graces, right?  BUT…why would I want to remain among people that based their ‘like’ of me on whether or not I was married?  Do you know how many 'dead' marriages I saw at X Church?  YET...they are being applauded - based on the fact that they were staying married - both clearly miserable??  

I digress.  This isn't about my marriage / divorce.

It's about my struggle with those pesky thoughts, "Am. I. Worthy"...?

Truth be told, I wasn't.  I'm not.  

Yet, I look at my life.
My choices...'good'...'bad'...indifferent
And I feel loved.
I see really good things happening in my life.
Did I 'do' something right to warrant them?
Not really.
I genuinely believe that I walk daily with a God that forgives.
Shows grace.
Shows mercy.

I have a terrific story to share.  I trust I am being shaped and molded to inspire.

The Texas Ginger
Bringing World Peace One Hug at a Time